self diagnostic test

i have a vague grasp of reality…

true, im still living  my old room, secluded from the real world, still adhering to them twisted principles i came up with during college… then it hit me, i havent really graduated from college, even with my short stint as a teacher, my perspective never really changed. worse, that teaching stint reinforced the idea that i can handle and succed in everything, even in procrastination mode… until now, i still practice that.

 

i dont want to be a mindless drone…

that is my only “rule” as far as “working” in the real world is in concerned. like waking up at exactly X o’clock and go on with the same boring routine (repeat 5x), have a normal life during weekends (or sleep all day), pay the bills on payday and so on and so fort. i rebelled against the system, and it kicked ass, slammed me on floor, and left me stunned and disoriented.

 

what is to be learned thru all this strife

true again, this thing im going through aint worth shit compared to other’s experiences, being so trivial. but this are the things that my logic cant comprehend, maybe in the race of life, this is one aspect i’ve taken forgranted. but like all things ive learned till this day, ill have to face it on my own, there’s no one to lean on to, no help for the wicked \m/. so better suck it in, buckle up, and prepare for the bumpy ride ahead. coz we’re dying every second, and we shouldnt be “giving importance to whats trivial” (qouting a friend).

 

whats the resolution?

i dont know… do i give in to the pressure? should i suck up my pride and hop in the band wagon? if so, will that temporary solution be feasible? i think not… but then again, im aiming for 2 birds in 1 stone, is that too much of a goal? am i taking up so much responsibility and always ending up with half output? (yes).

i used to just go on and follow the best advise i get in this situatuion,but now… let’s decide on our own… (deciding…)

 

-chalo